"Let's start a double kill today"
I asked for an aggressive protocol again and I got it. Single, double, and triple "kills" break up the biofilm releasing mycotoxins, neurotoxins, heavy metals, and microbes that have found a hiding place in the goo. More and more toxins escape into my blood stream and my brain is trying to stay afloat in this toxic soup. I was warned about this but it is part of the cycle so I don't complain. Detox drips and colonics help with removing the mess.
When I arrived here at Sponaugle I began to be able to write for the first time since last August. With the kill releasing all the toxins my brain is down in the dumps again and I am just surviving in bed. It's not terrible, I just feel unwell and all I want is to stay in bed and not have to do anything. There is the Salvador Dali museum, Cape Canaveral, Bush Gardens, Epcot, and other attractions within driving distance but I am simply not able to pull myself together to manage a trip like that. Reading, watching TV, or listening to music have no draw on me. Right now I just want to exist as comfortably as possible.
Saturday night my friend takes me to a beach in Clearwater. For several hours, I have a clear mind and enough strength to manage a short walk. An endless stretch of fine sand like I know from Italy softly glows in the sunset. We quickly take pictures as the sun changes shape and color while the Earth is turning away from this wonderful, magic, glowing ball of burning gasses. As the rays bend in the atmosphere the sun looks like it's overflowing into the ocean and pouring out somewhere beyond the horizon. Then, quickly, it is gone! People clap and a bell clangs commemorating this important event. I allow myself to immerse in the wonder and beauty of this spectacle. I need to use these several hours of semi normalcy to give my overburdened mind much needed rest. I choose to not think about my symptoms and simply exist for right now. All of my senses are on alert for the performance that nature prepared for this evening. Parrots are trying to solve their domestic disputes over our heads. My friend and I share our joys and sorrows. Clusters of people around us hum with conversations and the wind carries over whiffs of cigarette smoke.
I have improved a lot since last August but I still have long ways to go. Toxins need to be pulled out of my nerves and removed from my body, biofilm broken up, microbes killed, all the while my malfunctioning immune systems tries to rally and fight on its own. My hormones need to even out. My gut must heal so that it can properly absorb all the nutrients I am trying to give it.
In my initial email to Sponaugle I included following symptoms:
Low energy and no stamina, overall exhaustion, choking, losing my voice, hoarse voice, difficulty swallowing (food and medication gets stuck in my throat), terrible nausea- more like a feeling like I am drowning without the pulmonary distress, vision problems-seeing black spots fly by in my peripheral vision, also unable to read 1/4" print- this comes and goes, hearing- unable to distinguish what people are saying, this also comes and goes, sensitivity to sound. Terrible night sweats, brain fog, memory loss, word retrieval issues. I am a teacher, I have not been able to remember about 20% of my students' names, if I meet them in a hall or outside of school I cannot remember their name and if I teach them or not. If the kids dramatically change their haircut (happens quite frequently with teenagers) I am not able to remember the student's name. Making frequent mistakes on the board (not on paper), cannot remember students who graduated. My muscles are like jello and I have lost 12 lbs. Food allergies- almonds, nutritional yeast, candida, etc, environmental allergies- smoke, perfumes, diesel fumes etc. My gums have recessed about 1/8". Joint pain, muscle pain, neuropathy in left hand, neck and shoulder pain and stiffness, having a hard time walking due to pain and cannot exercise, loss of balance every now and then. My hips and knees are giving up under me. Tingling and numbness in my face, hands, and legs. Change in taste- every now and then when I eat chicken it tastes like metal. My hair is falling out and I feel like I am 100 years old. Terrible sleep disruptions, last night got 2 hours of sleep. I am also very emotionally sensitive and easily irritated by small things and that is not my usual self. I am not able to watch any movies because any drama makes me cry. I am unable to watch or read about other people's suffering without crying. My handwriting is atrocious. My heart feels like I drank a gallon of coffee. I have had several episodes of irregular heartbeat. If I don't take major amount of probiotic I have terrible GI problems, even with the probiotic I feel like there is yeast in my stomach. My liver and my spleen hurt, I am assuming it's from all the antibiotics I have been on.
Current symptoms, severity is for the most part much reduced:
Names still present a major challenge for me. Brain fog, memory loss, word retrieval issues, fatigue, joint pain, muscle stiffness and occasional pain, food and environmental allergies, still some neuropathy in left hand, occasional tingling in hands, occasional air hunger, hair loss, sleep disruptions (about 3-4 hours of sleep per night), GI problems. Emotionally sensitive on occasion. Occasional night sweats.
This is a good list to make for myself. When I was so horribly ill in the fall I thought of documenting my progress but I was so overwhelmed with the disease that I was not able to write anything. I am in a much better place now. Thank God!
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