The Quadrature of the Lune

An itchy red spot on my skin marks the inevitable. I was bitten by a mosquito. I knew that the day would come when I would get bitten again and it happens to be today. The sun is setting and I am standing on the beach watching the show. Neon orange streaks spread all over the sky evenly fading into softer grayish pink hues above my head. Olive greens and browns of beach grasses follow the curvature of dunes and the lone osprey nest raises an upside down exclamation mark against the sky. Rhythmic swishing of ocean waves behind me cradles my soul. As I take in the unfolding spectacle of colors the nature set before me tonight I wonder why life is the way it is. The colors are produced by a reflection of light. In other words, the beam has to break in a certain way in order for me to see the particular color. I had to be broken in a certain way in order to enjoy it the way I do. I soak this harmony of colors and sounds into every pore of my being. This gorgeous beauty and the bite are both part of my life all at the same time.

I have been treating mosquito borne Protomyxzoa with Purify by The Life Tree for over a month now and don't get a Herxheimer reaction anymore. I used to feel air hunger about half an hour after taking the tincture. Mosquitoes in this area can also carry West Nile Virus and I decide to not worry about it. I simply have to take life one thing at a time and not fret about things that have not happened.

My mind along with my eyes wonder along each streak.

"I am here to separate the human side from the business side."

A response I got after I explained at work how ill I was and that I needed more treatment. Two days later there was a letter in the mail telling me that I would be terminated from my job if I failed to report back in longer than five business days. Well, I did not report. I couldn't. I have long learned that other people's actions and responses are not about me. They are about them. Besides, I can never be a teacher again anyways. Schools get closed for the summer without air-conditioning and the humid air just sits there creating mold. I cannot be around mold. Prior to my collapse I did not connect the leaky roof and moldy ceiling, the leaky windows and the mold around them, and the mold behind filing cabinets in one of the classrooms with my ill health. Now I know.

I feel like I don't owe anything to anyone at this job. I did the absolute best I could as I always do. I was the best teacher I possibly could be. I was not perfect, nobody is, but I gave it all I had. I feel like I can emotionally move onto the next stage of my life and leave what happened at my previous job behind me. Somehow I feel the termination has nothing to do with my performance but no need to guess. I must be busy trying to figure out where to go next.

It is week two of my Protomyxzoa treatment. Standing in a line for an interview I wonder how I am going to do this. I have been here for two hours now and am near fainting. How can I possibly hold a job? I get through the interview and don't get hired. I know that right now I cannot work so no harm done. I get hired on a second try a week later. I will be starting at the very bottom at an upscale grocery store. I will be working alongside some of my former students.

Week four into Protomyxzoa treatment I become the salad bar girl. Since I am not a mosquito and I will not be biting people and sucking their blood I feel OK starting this job. Protomyxzoa is not contagious so my conscience is clear about working with food. For everyone's safety I tell my PCP during my visit and he does not see a problem. Onto the salad bar!

The sun that entertains me at the beach plays with colors on "my" salad bar too. When the beams of setting sun light the vegetables the rainbow of colors becomes even more beautiful. I cannot believe I have been able to do this. I run all day and lift heavy tubs full of salads, smile at customers, and with glee go overboard for every need they might have. The store is very generous with samples. I love sharing my thankfulness and love for my new job with everyone I meet. I feel like I can trust all of my bosses, love the products, and find the whole place so exciting! My friends were worried that my sorry little brain would not get enough stimulation at a job like this. Well, I have come to consider this a poorly paid therapy. It is said that exercise detoxes the body. I am a living example of this. Even though I may come with joint pain I leave pain free after the shift. How amazing! The store was just rebuilt so no leaky ceilings or windows here! A perfect place for me.

I have become friends with some of the customers already. The employees are here because they want to. Everybody does their job. Yes there are problems, like there are everywhere. But they seem to be so minor! My recovering brain and nerves need this no-stress-all-fun environment right now. One of the cooks is teaching me her side of the house. She is a painter and taught painting classes at our local college. We talk about painting and art over pots of soup, grilled chicken, and mac and cheese. I ended up getting an A in my last math class I took at a top university. I am able to understand the quadrature of the lune. And at the same time I am having a hard time parking the car between two white lines. Now that I feel physically better my nerve damage has become more apparent. I do have some vision and hearing problems. My sense of space has been affected. I feel like my memory and word recall have slightly improved. All the more this need for paid fun and therapy. Go Red Sox? No! Go salad bar!

The moon helps the street lights find my way to the car when I get out after my shift. My second helpful lune. I know that I am going home to a complete disarray as most of my energy is consumed working. On the home front I basically only put out fires of the greatest emergencies. My two terriers gifted me with stinky pee pads while I was away. I glance over the piles of paperwork, dirty dishes, and clean laundry. As I fall asleep I am thankful for all of this mess. I am thankful that I can worry about having piles of clean laundry. Those are good worries to have.