Soft whiteness of fog slowly dances around me. I woke up early and now I am watching its swatches above the lake. If the fog rises, the weather will be beautiful. If it stays, the clouds will start rolling in. I always love these two weeks in the summer away from my family at a swim camp. Time of peace and calm that I live on for the rest of the year. I get to think about the fog. In an essence it is a liquid aerosol suspended in gas. It puzzles me how it becomes white. Isn't it clear when it's liquid? I strain my eyes and try to see the particles. All of a sudden the fog begins to slowly rise as the sun peaks above the horizon. A promise of a beautiful day...
A memory from a long, long time ago brings me to my current state. How I need the sun to chase out the fog that has been in my brain for so long! My thoughts dispersed who knows where are hard to spot regardless how much I try. I am asked to fill out paperwork for more lab tests. After a very slooooow looooong period where I am trying to get it all together, I forget to fill out one paper out of three and put another one in my pocketbook instead with the sample. My brain is overloaded with toxins and acting like it.
Hauntingly beautiful sculptures from a Dalíesque dream scream their psychedelic colors on the page in front of me. We all have one and these are their images. PET scans of the brain. A normal brain, completely uninteresting, smooth, and mundane, cannot compete with the shapes and colors of brains that were damaged by various toxins. One of the many times I wish I was just completely uninteresting, mundane, and average. Although I am not going to have a PET scan done I wander how much blood flow in my brain there is and where. Reduced blood flow on the scan looks like holes and takes on different colors. I wonder how this affects our behavior. How many kind words were not said, how many skills not used, and how much love not given because of this reduction? I desperately yearn for wholeness so that I can live and love using an uninhibited brain and do the best I can with what I have been given!
I felt a few rays making their way through the veil of the fog yesterday. My first visit with the doctor. A brilliant man who can synthesize webs of information into a cure. My number one problem is toxin overload. I have worked so hard to bring it down! I have gotten a Far Infra Red sauna and sweated almost every day since Christmas. Epsom salt baths, oral Alpha Lipoic Acid, IV Gluathione, colonics, EDTA chelation. I cannot believe there is anything else in me! I feel like I have done a HAZMAT type cleanup of my body and the labs say it is still a complete dump! My red blood cells look like cookies that were snacked on by Santa, only in this case the toxins did the snacking. How can a chewed up red blood cell effectively carry oxygen? It can't.
Next he talks about my microbial load. After six months of Nattokinase my biofilm looks like I took exactly nothing. Swaddled in a blanket of packed gel bacteria are safely resting like babies in a nursery. The biofilm is so thick there is no way I was going to be able to break it up with anything I had available to me. Protomyxzoa carried by mosquitoes are my greatest problem. Unbelievably enough, Lyme is not active although the doctor can tell that I came into contact with it at some point. Babesia, Bartonella, Anaplasma, and company, are all there. Who knows what else is hiding in the jellylike substance the bacteria built to hide from antibiotics.
The doctor addressed hormones, brain chemistry, the gut, the heart... This is the best appointment I have ever had in my life and worth every penny I have spent! His understanding of the intricacies and connections in the human body is mind boggling. He answers questions I have had for years. Everything here is based on cold hard data and is tailored to the individual. I am just beginning and my file is about one inch thick already. Luckily, I record my first appointment which lasts two and a half hours and is so packed with information that I cannot keep up.
I will have labs weekly so that I can be given the right medication. I have a lot going for me. My heart is strong and healthy. Some key labs are just where they are supposed to be. My alternative doctor's nurse advised me on a top-of-the-line probiotic that has kept my gut in the best shape possible. (Dr. Ohhira's Professional Strength probiotic. I am very thankful for my alternative doctor and his nurse. Without them I would be in a wheelchair right now.) I am motivated, determined, and prepared. The doctor can see that. I ask for an aggressive protocol and I get it starting immediately.
I pray I can manage the side effects and the pain. It gets worse before it gets better. Tomorrow I have to take an online test for my class and have to rest up. I manage to read a page or two in my Bible and fall asleep.
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